The Romulan War Stories: 4 - Transporters and Maintenance Delays
by BonesBird
Summary: The first six months of the war are behind them, and the crews of Enterprise and Columbia have more time to think about the way the war is going, and how it affects them all
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, this story spans all of 2157, one chapter a month. I'll link to Anna's fic when she's posted it on my profile, but if you search for the author "foreveranna" you'll find her. She's the crazy one dishonouring cows. - Shin xx**

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_**January 2157**_

She shook her head, pushing down on the lightweight frame that held his pelvis in place. She knew he wanted to be up and walking, but it was still a minimum of two weeks before that. He'd only been allowed to sit up in the last few days. She felt like she was constantly reminding him of that. "Don't push yourself Jonathan."

"It's been two weeks, Rike." He complained.

"And you broke your pelvis, you need to do as you're told. You can't command from a wheelchair." That much they both knew, while Trip's engineers had made most of the ship accessible, it was near impossible to sort access to the bridge, something that had annoyed Jonathan further, as it meant she couldn't put him back in command.

"You're right, I know. I just feel useless sat here."

"Then work on the battle reports, work on the damage reports, hell work on _Columbia_'s for me. Just behave yourself." He pulled his face at the idea of working on her reports for her, an expression that amused her no end.

After a few minutes of silence he looked to her again, and it wasn't until then that she realised she'd been pacing the foot of his bed. Maybe she was more nervous about the memorial than she thought. "Are you going to lead the memorial today?"

"Do you want to lead it?" She asked, half hoping he'd say yes, but knowing he wouldn't.

"I'm not sure I can."

"Just come, you can sit beside me, Lydia, James and Clive will be there as well, between the 5 of us we represent all who we lost." She mentioned their three fellow captains, three of the hardiest ships in the fleet outside of the NX classes.

They both went silent for a few minutes, and she resumed her pacing, thinking about what she was going to say. He watched her a few more minutes before he reached out and grabbed her hand. "How did you get used to being without Veronica?"

"I wouldn't say I'm used to it, she was my best friend and a great XO. I still miss her." She stopped a minute, then slid onto the bed next to him and reached out to stroke his cheek. "Thinking about T'Pol?"

He nodded, the grief clear in his expression. "We're going to go to Vulcan to bury her beside her mother once _Enterprise_ is repaired."

"That's nice, if _Columbia_ can join you, we will." She offered, hoping that they would be able to accompany _Enterprise_. They all knew what wouldn't happen though, they'd be sent on separate pointless missions right up until the next time they were needed for a battle.

"I'm hoping this is the last time we have to travel home at low Warp because one or more of the ships are too damaged to go any faster."

"We're only three weeks from home, then we can hope for a few days of leave, enough for us to let you recuperate properly."

Jonathan sighed and punched the pillow beside him. She allowed him to let it out, and after a few minutes of his heavy, deep breaths she took hold of his hand again. "Are you done?"

"I hate this, Rike."

"Phlox has helped it as best he can, and I've seen the scans, the break is healing quickly. He might let you start walking in a couple of weeks." She tried to raise his spirits again. Knowing that was most of this. It seemed Jonathan had his own idea of how to tease her, and therefore raising his spirits further.

"Walking isn't the worst part of this." He grinned at her then winked, causing her to burst out laughing.

"That can definitely wait." She kissed his forehead and smiled at him, sometimes surprised how easily Jonathan could slip into the male stereotype, even after almost three years since they got back together. "We've been on battle-lines together a lot recently."

"I like knowing you have my back, I trust you." He nodded, then lapsed into a thoughtful silence, she checked her wrist, still a while before they needed to go and get ready for this service. She was debating maybe saying something about the honour of sacrifice when Jonathan started talking again. "You know how they say a Captain should go down with his ship?"

"OK I can't wait to see where this is going."

"Would you? If something disastrous happened to _Columbia_, would you go down with your ship, or would you evacuate with your crew?"

She stopped a few minutes, the question requiring more thought than she'd expected, she looked at him as she did, balancing the needs of her crew, the needs of the galaxy, her own needs and her obligations. There wasn't any good answer she could come up with. "I think it would depend on the circumstance. If I could still do some good I would order my crew to leave, and I'd do whatever I could. If there was nothing I could do, then I'd evacuate. I don't believe in wasting my life if there is no good to come of it."

"That's what I thought you'd say."

"Then why ask?" She asked herself, watching as his gaze slid somewhere past her right ear.

"It was my last conversation with T'Pol, she gave me the same answer you did, mostly because I said that I would stay aboard _Enterprise_. You two are both cleverer than me though."

"I wouldn't say that. Jonathan. You have your style, and I honestly don't know how anyone would come between you and _Enterprise_. You're more in love with her than you are me." She smiled, the joke something standing between them, sometimes it was even true, particularly after they'd argued about some decision or plan.

Jonathan however gave her another serious look before smiling. "Now that is not true."

"Oh really?"

"If I was allowed to show you how untrue that was, I would. But I'm under orders not to." He chuckled.

"Sure sure, you can prove it to me when you're safe then." She shook her head as he pulled her into his arms, after a quick cuddle she sat herself up again and straightened her uniform, pulling the wheelchair around so that Jonathan could transfer himself in. However hard he tried to put on a brave face, she knew that he was hurting, he had lost a friend, and his right arm. It hadn't even been a year since she'd lost Veronica, and she still missed her. She knew that Jonathan would be able to make it through, but he would have to get used to a new XO, he had already promoted Trip, which was right, he was the ranking officer. This memorial was for everyone who was lost at Deneva. She wasn't sure she was actually ready to lead this, but she'd lightened Jonathan's spirits a little, so now it was time to work on the rest of the crew.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, Anna started posting her story, and the link is up on my profile. Sara and Melody are her characters. I really needed to borrow them for this part of the story.**

_**February 2157**_

Hoshi slid her tray onto the table and looked over at her friend, the two had finally dragged a few minutes away from their duties to get a decent meal. They had all been working almost non-stop for the last several weeks, and now she was hoping that they would get a short break, enough time for them to think over some choices. She knew she had plenty to make. She looked up as Captain Archer walked into the mess hall, followed only a second later by Captain Hernandez. The two clearly in the middle of some debate. She shook her head as all eyes followed the two captain's into the private dining room. "I'm not sure how I feel about someone other than Captain Archer on the Bridge." She muttered as soon as she was sure the doors were closed. It wasn't that she didn't like and respect Captain Hernandez, it was the opposite, Erika Hernandez was something of a legend among the comm officers, she designed the first translation matrix for the universal translator, more than 15 years earlier. She was just used to her Captain.

Sara's nod told her the feeling was mutual. They all wanted Captain Archer to be back on duty, and as soon as was possible. "His physical therapy is coming along well. He's down to one cane. I think Phlox will sign him back next week."

"I bet that's a load off Captain Hernandez's mind." She smiled, hoping that she wasn't off base about them.

"More than likely, she's been worried about him."

"Wouldn't you be if it was someone you loved?" She asked, wondering if Sara knew

"You buy in to the gossip that those two are, you know?"

"Oh definitely. You weren't here when Captain Hernandez was held by the Orions a couple of years ago. I swear Captain Archer was the only one who held onto the hope she was alive, and when we got her back I don't think he left her side unless he was forced too." She smiled, despite the horror she had known Captain Hernandez had gone through during that time, Hoshi had been happy to see Captain Archer care about anyone that much. Since the mission to the Expanse years earlier he had been different to the man who'd hand-picked her for the mission originally. Captain Hernandez had seemed to open him up again. "I know for a fact they were together before Enterprise, I don't know when they got back together but if you watch them they are always a little too close together, and they like to touch each other, a lot." She laughed, as always the two captains were the subject of most of the scuttlebutt when the two ships were together.

"Hoshi Sato, the body language expert."

"It's just another form of language. Hello Kiona." Hoshi looked up and smiled to the tactical officer who had stopped beside their table. "Can we help you?"

"Hey Hoshi, we thought we'd come and eat on Enterprise today, and the engineers took over Columbia's mess this morning. They are all working on the nacelle problem."

"You're welcome to join us." She motioned to one of the spare chairs at their table, usually reserved for Travis, Trip and Malcolm, all of whom were still on duty.

"I'm waiting on Melody and Sidra."

"Plenty of space for them too. I've been meaning to talk to Sidra."

Kiona had barely sat down when Sara waved in the direction of two newcomers, and Kiona turned to smile at them. "Here they are. Hoshi and Sara offered us the space at their table." Sidra and Melody slid into chairs. Sara and Melody immediately beginning to talk like the old friends they were. While they spoke, Hoshi turned her attention to Sidra and Kiona.

"Things are good on _Columbia_?" She asked politely, remembering how desperate Kiona had been to get back to her own ship when they'd returned.

"It's alright. Hey, how are you guys finding Captain Hernandez calling the shots?" Sidra asked after a second.

"Different. I'm not used to having someone other than Captain Archer on our bridge."

"If it helps it's mostly been Trip in command here, Captain Hernandez has been too busy running between the ships while Kalil has been left on our bridge. I'm surprised she can even still stand, she's been crazy busy. She's a great captain though." Kiona defended, clearly feeling the strain of defending her captain. Hoshi had heard the rumours around _Enterprise_, some were unhappy, but she was sure that was because they weren't used to it.

"Definitely, her style is a lot more informal than Captain Archer's. I'm surprised Malcolm didn't have an aneurysm." She laughed, one which Kiona and Sidra both joined in on.

After a few moments of silence, listening to the other conversations in the room. "What are you doing Sidra?" She asked when she could no longer take the shifty looks at most of the male members of the crew.

"What's the dating situation like over here?"

"Sidra do you ever think of anything else?" Kiona laughed, punching Sidra lightly in the arm. The redheaded Scot didn't even look like she was ashamed by the teasing from her crewmate, after seeming to consider the question a moment she stuck her tongue out and grinned.

"Rarely. Any nice singles?"

"Ensign Riley isn't bad." Sara chimed in again, pointing in the direction of the science tables. Hoshi thought maybe Sara was giving her a hard task first up because she wanted to test her. Then she thought about it, and probably Sidra would be exactly what Luca wanted.

"Which one is he?"

"The one with the blond hair."

"I'll be back." Sidra got up, carrying only her apple with her. All four women turned their chairs so they could see her. After a few minutes all jaws dropped as she leant right over the table and whispered something with a laugh.

"Is she always like that?" Sara asked, a hint of awe in her voice. Kiona just nodded while Melody was the one to give an actual answer.

"Oh yeah. I don't think she's spent a night in her own quarters since the war was declared." They all watched after Sidra, trying not to make it obvious they were gauging her chances. Hoshi shook her head, thinking again about the situation on _Enterprise_ and her fellow ships, only a matter of days away from Earth when engine trouble had hit _Columbia_. They were all hoping to be home soon, but repairs needed to be made first. It was nice to have the chance to gossip with their friends though, something that didn't happen anywhere near enough right now.


	3. Chapter 3

_**March 2157**_

As the door opened Erika looked up, smiling as her tactical officer hovered on the threshold of the room. She held a hand up and motioned Kiona into the room. "Come in, chef made your favourite." She smiled, and spotted Kiona's face break into the familiar grin. It had been way too long since she'd sat down with arguably one of her best friends and talked. Too much had been going on in the last few months. The war taking over too much, and Kiona's time on _Enterprise_, a lot had happened.

"Salmon, great! How are you captain?" Kiona asked, sliding into the other side in the room.

"I'm good, really good." She nodded, meaning every word of it. She felt the best she'd been in a long time. Not only had there been no Romulan attacks in weeks, _Enterprise_ was almost fully repaired, _Columbia_ had undergone the upgrades she'd been waiting for, and the pressing concern for her, Jonathan's injuries, had finally healed completely and he was back in command. Everything that had happened since Deneva had stopped her catching up with Kiona on her return from their sister ship. "Sorry we've not really had time to sit down since you got back from _Enterprise_."

"You've been busy commanding two ships, and you had your worry about Captain Archer to think of too." Kiona's words reminded her that _Columbia_'s two senior officers knew far more about her relationship than they probably should. She wasn't necessarily sad about that, she liked being able to talk to them without worrying about possibly incriminating herself.

"That's true, but he's fit and healthy now and we're all back at Earth, so I thought it was time I asked you about how you felt on _Enterprise_?"

"It was different, not necessarily in a bad way. Captain Archer is a brilliant captain, and I learnt a lot about how his ship ran, and some of his more imaginative tactical decisions."

"I hope you bring them back to _Columbia_." She laughed, and was glad that Kiona felt she'd learnt something from her time aboard _Enterprise_. It would, hopefully, benefit both ships. Especially if Malcolm had picked anything up while he'd been on _Columbia_, though _Columbia_ hadn't been in a major battle during his time aboard.

"Absolutely. I used a few of yours for them too. I always thought you and Captain Archer would be really similar, considering how close you are, but the differences are actually really big. I enjoyed the trade, but I'm definitely happy to be home."

"Oh believe me Kiona, we're glad to have you back." She nodded and pulled a box out of her pocket and played with it under the table, wondering how she was going to do this. She'd never been great at it, and she knew Kiona wouldn't want a fuss. It was one of the perks of her job and position though, to present her officers with the rewards of a successful mission. "So, Captain Archer and I had a discussion with Starfleet yesterday when we were on Earth. You should know he's putting you up for a commendation for your actions over Deneva."

"Oh. Can you think him for me?" Kiona's smile faltered a little, and Erika wondered if she was giving too much away.

"Absolutely." She smiled and looked Kiona over, deciding just to go for it. Tell her the real reason that she had brought her here. "He also recommended something that I whole heartedly agree with, and feel it's about time."

"And that is?" Kiona asked, the suspicion on her face almost making her laugh.

"Catch." She threw the box lightly into Kiona's arms and laughed as she opened it. "Congratulations, commander. You're out of uniform."

"Wow. I didn't expect-" Kiona was clearly speechless, and the sight was something Erika would have to try to always remember. It was hard to catch the Canadian speechless. After a few moments of open-mouthed gaping she pinned the new pip to her collar and looked back up to Erika. "Thank you, Captain. I didn't expect to be promoted after this mission. I actually expected Captain Archer to ask I not step foot on _Enterprise_ ever again."

"He actually thinks you're a fantastic officer, Kiona. You shouldn't doubt yourself."

"It still feels like the last few months of last year were a dream." She shook her head, then ran her fingers through her hair. A proud look on her face. That was something Erika completely understood. The last 6 months had changed so much for everyone in Starfleet, no matter what level they were.

"They do for me too, believe me. One day we'll all look back on these years and forget the trials of the war, we'll remember the good things."

"Do you truly believe that Captain?" Kiona asked after a second, Erika nodded, thinking for a second everything that she hoped she could do after the war. Most of them probably would not happen, but some of them would, she hoped. They were the things that she kept hold of when _Columbia_ was heading into battle.

"I do. After the war I have every intention of settling down."

"Maybe I'll find someone I like enough to do that too. One day."

"It'll hit you at the point you least expect it." She smiled as their dinners arrived, she had specifically ordered the salmon, something she knew Kiona loved to eat, just to use as a celebration. It wasn't every day she got to promote her officers, especially not one she had grown as close to as her tactical officer. It was definitely something she enjoyed doing, she was fairly sure every captain enjoyed the positives of the job. As the two of them started eating, sharing stories about the crew, she was glad to see that nothing had changed within Kiona after her stay on _Enterprise_. However much she loved Jonathan, more often than not, officers who had served on his ship came back with horror stories about one thing or another, it did seem he got into trouble more often than any other ship. It was a hazard of being the _Enterprise_, he'd told her once. It was a hazard she was more than happy to leave him with.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is where the references to foreveranna's story comes in. She has started posting it, and there is a link to the specific story on my profile. (How typical that I can't link in chapters). Her story is OC driven, but it's well written and, as I say, written in the same universe as this story. There are a few references to her story, but I have made them small so that you don't have to read hers, but please do because she really is a great writer. (There are a few Jorika nods in her story too. Mostly because I nagged her about it.) - Shin xx**

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_**April 2157**_

Sidra Valerian grabbed her tray and briefly looked round the room, it only took a second for her eyes to fall on Kiona, Melody and Reiko who were sat at a table in the back of the room, she walked over with her best 'I have gossip to share' expression. As soon as she sat down all three sets of eyes were on her. "You'll never guess what I heard on the comm-chatter this morning." She started, Reiko and Melody both leant forward while Kiona just narrowed her eyes. "Someone on _Enterprise_ got pregnant." she added, grinning around at her friends.

All three looked toward her with varying degrees of confusion and disbelief. She felt her grin grow as she looked around them, sometimes it was great being the comm officer, she was always the one with the best gossip. "Wait, what?" Melody finally asked after she'd pulled herself together enough to speak.

"Seriously. There were no specifics as to the parents but according to my source they are dropping her off when we rendezvous at Nicaustra." She shook her head, that part of the gossip she hadn't understood, _Enterprise_ was due a visit home, though she knew that probably wasn't going to happen. Not judging by the quick turnaround for _Columbia_ this time.

"But that's still months away?" Kiona asked, clearly as confused by that as she was, but she assumed that there was a reason. She just shrugged and took a bite of her fish, she could still see Reiko's cogs turning.

"I bet it's Hoshi, isn't she dating Trip now?" Reiko finally said after a few moments of silence, that was a theory Sidra had considered and thrown out, especially seeing as the information had come from Hoshi, but Sidra wasn't going to let that slip to her colleagues.

"For a couple months, but I don't think it's her."

"Wonder who it is, and why Captain Archer is letting her stay aboard til Nicaustra. That's months away." Melody was clearly thinking of the practicalities, or she was running through people she knew on the _Enterprise_, wondering which of them was most likely to have gotten themselves knocked up.

"Guess Captain Archer is a bit more lax than Captain Hernandez. I can't see her dealing well with anyone pregnant on this ship."

That mental image made them all laugh. Hernandez was a great captain and a good friend to her crew, but her discomfort with children was legendary. Judging from the chuckles of those around her they were all thinking something similar. "Can you imagine what she'd be like with a pregnant person. Wow. No. I don't think anyone on _Columbia_ is stupid enough for that." Kiona chuckled a minute later, shaking her head.

"How do you know it was stupid?" Melody asked, a slight hint of defensiveness in her voice.

"How was it not? We're active service. Birth control or abstinence. Personally, I go with the latter."

Sidra had to laugh at that, Kiona was a commander, she didn't actually have all that much choice. "You're a senior officer you have to go with the latter, or sleep with someone on Enterprise like the Captain does."

Reiko however sat up like a meerkat at that statement, causing everyone else at the table to laugh. "Wait, I'm behind on the gossip, who is the Captain sleeping with."

"Could you be more oblivious Reiko? She's been sleeping with Captain Archer for years."

"Wait really?"

Kiona nodded still smiling."Yeah, really," she then turned back to Sidra with an accusing look on her face, "and how do you know I'm not sleeping with someone on _Enterprise_?"

Sidra grinned and leant forward a little, knowing that the only way to answer this was as seriously as she'd been asked. "Because you'd brag about it more if you were." Melody and Reiko laughed so loudly that people started looking over at them. Kiona held a hand up and slowly the rest of the room went back to their own conversations.

The four lapsed into a companionable silence, all still occasionally chuckling. It wasn't until she'd almost finished eating that Reiko spoke again, looking directly toward her. "Are you going to the party at headquarters tonight?"

She shook her head, and she couldn't say she was necessarily unhappy about it. She wasn't sure that a party with the admiralty was going to be as much fun as the ones _Columbia_ hosted herself, especially with _Enterprise_'s absence. "No invite, Kiona?"

The commander didn't look especially enthused, and once she nodded Sidra understood why. "Yeah, I'm the second officer I don't have a choice, the Captain made it quite clear Kalil and I couldn't leave her alone to face the masses."

"At least it's two more ships to help fight the war. We need all the NX ships we can get right now." Melody said what they were all thinking. The last few months had proven how desperately needed the NX-class was, not that Starfleet saw that. "_Excalibur_ and _Avenger_ are the next two, and the last two, right?"

Sidra shook her head as Kiona started replying, the annoyance in her voice echoing Sidra's thoughts about the lack of NX-class ships actually hampering the war effort. "Yeah, they won't be ready to go for months though. _Endeavour_ and _Atlantis_ are it for now and I think we can agree they are a good thing." All four women nodded.

"Let's hope they last longer than _Challenger_ or _Discovery_." Reiko added, casting a pall of sorrow over the table as they all stood up ready to get back to duty.

"Does the Captain still feel guilty about _Challenger_?"

"I think so, I mean, it was supposed to be our mission but the damage just wasn't repaired in time."

"She can feel guilty all she wants. I am very happy we didn't get that mission. I like being alive."

"Don't we all Sid." Kiona muttered as Sidra shook her head as her companions all looked back out of the window to see their sister ships. _Enterprise_ had been left out on patrol, she had been too far away to make it back in decent time. Both _Endeavour_ and _Atlantis_ safely ensconced in their hangers, and Sidra wondered for a moment if their crews had any idea exactly how dangerous it was out here right now. In a few days they would be out joining the regular patrols that both _Columbia_ and _Enterprise_ already did. There was a mental note to be made about making contacts with their comm officers, best way to win betting pools was to have inside lines, and if _Columbia_'s crew knew how to do only two things, it was bet and party.


	5. Chapter 5

**little note for anon reviewer Jasmin Kenobi: In the words of our wonderful Trip Tucker, keep your shirt on. Other POVs are coming up in this story. But I will just say that this series is predominantly Jon/Erika focused, so they will get the majority of chapters, and also that I want to ensure that the crew of Columbia get their say! Also, it would be physically impossible for Hayes to have a POV... considering that in canon he died 3 years ago.**

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_**May 2157**_

Trip chased her out of his quarters, still pulling on his uniform. She didn't want to stop for him, because bringing up Sara when she was in the middle of getting ready for an evening shift wasn't the best idea, even if it was just that she was due a check-up. She'd started trying to rebuild her friendship with Sara, even if it was taking time. "Come on Shi, it wasn't as if either of us planned it." He defended again, his much longer legs catching up with her after only a couple of minutes and stopping beside her at the turbolift.

"Right now I don't care too much." She snapped, and knew that she was, maybe, being a little childish about the whole situation.

"It's been more than three months since we found out, I'm excited about this, can't you be?"

She pulled her face and looked up at him, wondering if her honestly thought she wasn't excited for him, she was, she just didn't like thinking about it. "That my boyfriend and my friend are having a baby, yes, of course I'm the happiest I've ever been."

He shook his head and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in impatience. "You're still being ridiculous about this." He growled, shaking his head at her as they entered the lift.

"At least I know how to take my birth control."

This time he smiled and leant over her slightly, whispering in her ear."Good, because I think the captain would kill me if you got pregnant too."

"Trip, this is still not something I'm ready to laugh about." She muttered while stifling a little laugh. Maybe she was ready, but just didn't want to admit it yet. Trip clearly saw the smile though, as the tension between the two of them melted away.

"Look, we'll talk more about it tonight. I have to get to engineering. Sara needs all the friends she can get right now, you should try and forgive her, especially after the scene you made in the mess hall yesterday." He shook his head and she walked into the mess hall, he followed her even though he was due on duty any minute. "That should say something about your friendship." He continued, stopping her a second after she reached for a plate of a bacon.

"I spoke to her, Trip I-" She started, but he cut her off with a kiss and a smile.

"Hoshi, just be her friend, you need friends as much as she does."

"I hate you." She muttered as he stepped away with another grin. She shook her head and held the urge to through an apple at him.

"I know, I'll see you tonight." He said back when he was a few feet away. She shook her head, smiling after him. She started looking round for a table to sit at, spotting Travis in the far corner with a table to himself watching her as she made her decision.

"That seemed like it was an intense conversation?" Travis said as she sat down.

"He's trying to point out that I'm being a dick. I don't know, I probably am." She shrugged and picked up a piece of the bacon she'd grabbed. "I do need to get over this though, because it's not as if it's something that's going to go away." That much she knew for a fact, they were going to be on the same ship for at least a few more months, and she was going to be involved in this for a long while if she stayed with Trip, which she had every intention of doing. She was so involved in her own thoughts she missed half of what Travis was saying.

"Nope, especially not when she's coming this way." Were the words that grabbed her. She looked up and spotted Sara making her way toward their table, and this was the moment she needed to make the decision. Did she continue acting like an ass or did she behave herself and start rebuilding the friendship they'd had.

"Can I sit here?"

"Sure. How are you doing?" Travis smiled, finishing off his orange juice, and Hoshi knew he was going to make an escape once Sara had replied.

"I'm OK, surprisingly energetic, I'm on duty soon so I'll eat fast." She smiled between the two, and Hoshi worked hard on returning it. She was genuinely glad to know that Sara was doing well.

"I'm due on the bridge, was nice to see you out Sara." Travis said, shooting Hoshi an apologetic look as he walked away.

"You don't need to rush on my behalf Sara. We just still have a lot to work out OK." She smiled, the decision made. It was time to be honest, and it was time to let the past go. Even if it wasn't the easy thing.

"I know, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I get it, I do. It's just weird for me to think that whatever family I might one day want to start, you're more than likely going to be a part of it."

"You're thinking of a family?" Sara asked, and Hoshi shook her head, not sure if a family was what she wanted in the long run, or if she was just trying to wrap her head around it.

"Maybe one day, it's just weird, and I'm adjusting to that."

"I think it's weird for all of us." Sara smiled and slurped the last of her soup. Squeezing Hoshi's hand as she stood up and left. Hoshi looked at the remains of her dinner and thought long and hard about her real issues. She wasn't even sure what they were. Starting and maintaining a relatively new relationship when her boyfriend was expecting a baby with another woman was not how she'd expected this to go. She knew that it was probably unfair of her to be thinking of Sara as competition, but she did. It didn't matter what was said, she would probably always view Sara as competition in the back of her mind. It was something she needed to work on, and she would, eventually. Right now though, she still wanted to wallow in it, because it made her feel better.


	6. Chapter 6

_**June 2157**_

It wasn't rare for Erika to be found in the corner of the messhall, watching her crew interact as best she could, it was always a good way for her to check the pulse of morale. She was in her own little world today though, recent events had led to her thinking more than she probably should have done. Contemplating the future when fighting for the present wasn't always the best plan. She was still off in her own world when a voice interrupted her train of thought. "Can we sit here Captain?"

She looked up to see Sidra and Melody stood with trays, Kiona following them over. "By all means, how are you all?" She waved a hand and smiled as they sat down, she looked at her coffee and again and realised it had gone cold. She shook her head as she put it to one side, then nodded thankfully at Kiona who passed her another one.

"What are you working on captain?" Sidra asked after a few moments of quiet. Erika looked down at the padd she'd been working on and shook her head, it was definitely one set of rules she wasn't especially enthused to be working on, and a set she had no idea how to actually enforce.

"Updating the frat rules for shipboard personnel in line with Starfleet recommendations."

The three women looked to one another then back to Erika, all leaning in a little further. Was she really that far disconnected from the shipboard gossip that she had no idea what the latest gossip was. She looked down at her padd again before Melody was the one to ask the question. "So it's really true?"

"What?" Erika was genuinely confused. She had been out of the loop too long.

Sidra was the one who spoke next, a hint of mischief in her eyes meaning that probably somewhere within the lower ranks there was a bet of some sort. "Someone on _Enterprise_ got pregnant while on active service?"

"How did you hear about that?" The gossip train was apparently in full swing, they hadn't met up with _Enterprise_ in 4 months, which meant that Sidra and Hoshi had been having their late night gossip conversations, that was generally how the gossip started. She couldn't blame them though, she'd done the same thing when she'd been a comm officer, and she doubted there was a comm specialist in the fleet who could say they hadn't.

"I'm a comm officer, the one thing I know how to do is disseminate information."

She shook her head with a smile at that then nodded, knowing there was no point denying it. Since she'd listened to Jonathan's complaints about the situation, she knew for a fact, and her crew would know that. "Yes, it's true. It's not a situation that's been faced before, so Jonathan and I have been working on some guidelines for the crew." All three looked a little alarmed at that, so she held her hand up with what she hoped was a calming look. "This is aimed at those who get pregnant while out on service, sure, this one incident on _Enterprise_ is the first we've had traced, but there could be more, and this just covers our backs."

"Are you expecting anyone on _Columbia_ to drop sprogs?" Kiona asked in her typical blunt manner, and while the slang wasn't something she'd heard before, Erika could gather from inflection that her tactical officer was at least as uncomfortable about having a child aboard as she herself was.

"Oh god no." She shook her head then leant forward a little with a teasing smile. "Besides, if any of you did I'd leave you on a habitable moon somewhere until your spawn was old enough to have their own commission, I'm not as nice as Captain Archer." All three women burst out laughing, and she felt like her job of reassuring her crew was done she sat back and took a sip of her drink.

Sidra, it seemed, had something else on her mind as she looked up toward the Captain with a grin on her face. "Captain, since you're the only one of us in a stable relationship-"

"Hey!" Melody complained, and Erika had to stifle another laugh. This was what she enjoyed watching, the way her staff interacted with one another.

"Bobby does not count, Mel. As I was saying, since you're the only one in a relationship, any chance of you and Captain Archer having kids?"

That question threw her for a loop. She'd never been good with kids and had made it painfully obvious that they weren't good with her either. While the thought of kids was one she was having more often these days, that still didn't make it a good idea. "You've met me, right?"

"She has a point Captain. Are we allowed to ask?" Kiona was a little more diplomatic in her questioning, but it was fairly obvious she was as interested in the answer as Sidra and Melody were.

And it was a question that she didn't know the answer too. "If you want a serious answer, then all I can say is that I don't know. My personal life is the one part of my life I actually have very little control of. What about any of you, if the right person came along?" She looked between the three officers and hoped that they would take the heat off her for a while.

"Maybe, eventually." Melody was the first to answer as she speared another potato.

"If I found a nice girl, I'd think about maybe adopting, in a few years." Kiona considered a little longer, clearly debating the idea in her mind. While Sidra was the one shaking her head vigorously.

"I don't know, I'm a bit like you Captain, kids aren't really my thing."

"I thought a monogamous relationship wasn't your thing." The comment from Kiona was almost inaudible but for the fact that both Erika and Sidra had impeccable hearing as part of their jobs. Had she muttered that low in the presence of anyone else her comment would have gone unnoticed. Instead Sidra looked just a little offended and Erika tried to hide her grin behind her mug.

"Shut up Kiona."

"It's true though."

"Children, stop. This is why I don't need kids. I already have you." She laughed as the two women stopped fighting, and Melody looked between the three of them, still clearly confused about what had started the disagreement to begin with.

Melody was the one to try and steer the conversation back to what they'd been talking about before, but while she was partly successful, Erika also knew when the time was right for a hasty retreat. "Captain, you've said you don't know if there's a chance of you having them, but do you want them?"

"Right now I want to be anywhere but this room. I'll be on the bridge." She grabbed her PADD and started walking away.

"Yes captain." She heard echoed after her, it wasn't necessarily that the questions had made her uncomfortable, they hadn't really and that was the kind of friendly conversation and discussion she normally enjoyed having with her officers, but the combination of not knowing what she wanted for after the war combined with her knowledge of what Jonathan wanted made her wonder about the future. This was a conversation and a thought process she could save for later. Right now she needed to focus. Six months without an attack, Starfleet was getting complacent, and she needed to keep her eye on that.


	7. Chapter 7

_**July 2157**_

Trip wasn't used to being called out of Engineering when there wasn't an obvious battle going on, it was even rarer these days for him to be called to the ready-room. Captain Archer had been shutting himself off more recently, working on battle plans with the brass at all hours of the day. He looked through the door as he was called and wondered what state he'd find it in. "You called for me?" He asked, stepping in.

Archer lifted a hand and motioned to the sofa underneath the pictures on the opposite wall, once Trip was sat down he launched straight into what he was thinking. "I just got off with _Columbia_. Erika was right when she said she was nervous about how quiet the Romulans were being. They've taken Tau Ceti."

Trip felt his jaw hitting the ground, and as he fought with himself to take control again, he wondered how long it had been since they'd lost a planet so close to Earth. "When?"

"Last week."

"Shit. How come we're only just hearing about it?"

"We haven't exactly been in regular contact while patrolling, I only called Erika to catch up because I missed her. She's been left in command of the defence force while we're out here chasing comets. And she isn't exactly liking it." The grimace on Archer's face made it clear that Captain Hernandez had given him and earful, no doubt about _Enterprise_ being so far away when something that needed their experience was happening. They were a minimum of two months from Earth though, even at maximum warp.

"I don't blame her. When will we be heading back into the interior."

Another grimaced passed over his captain's face, and that told Trip the answer wasn't exactly what they both would have wanted. "After we've met with _Columbia_ at Nicaustra. We'll be trading places, they'll do their 10 months of exterior patrols and we'll get our time on the defence force."

"That's not going to be until October!"

"I know, Trip. Believe me I know. I'm counting down the days. I hate that we're too far away to actually help, and that there would be little point in use travelling inwards anyway." The resignation in the Captain's voice made Trip want to do something, anything. But he also recognised that the statement was right, there simply was nothing the _Enterprise_ could do this far away from Earth and her allies. He understood that exterior patrols were necessary, and that an NX ship should be doing them. He didn't agree that it should be _Enterprise_ or _Columbia_ though. _Atlantis_ and _Endeavour_ should be used for these patrols, leaving the far more experienced crews of _Enterprise_ and _Columbia_ to protect Earth and her allies. The coalition was still months if not years from sharing military forces, and that put them all in an awkward situation.

"From Tau Ceti they can attack any of the allied planets." He muttered, continuing his train of thought verbally, and he noticed the grim look on the Captain's face and realised that the two had come to the same conclusion.

"I know. There have been reports from as far apart as Trillius Prime and Betazed of Romulan insurgents. Neither were successful, but with a base at Tau Ceti-" There was no need to finish that statement. It was actually probably best for both of their mental states if they didn't. The captain shook his head and stood up, starting to pace along the narrow gap between the sofa and the desk. "I'm going to try and convince Starfleet to bring _Columbia_ back after Nicaustra. We don't need scans of eventless sectors. We need every able ship back to defend Earth."

"Starfleet isn't going to go for that." Trip argued, and they both knew it was true.

"I know, but it's worth a try."

There was a point in any conversation where they needed to move on to something that wasn't related to the war, and there was a question Trip wanted to ask, he knew it was more than 2 years now since the issues with the Romulans, and almost 3 years since his brief stint on _Columbia_, but he still wondered about the ship and her crew. "How is Captain Hernandez though, otherwise?"

"She's holding up, better than me I think. Then again, we have been trying to keep our conversations focused on work recently. We've not seen each other in almost 6 months, it's beginning to weigh down." Trip saw the sadness in the captain's face, and he wondered how he'd feel if he was kept away from the person he loved for months at a time. He was almost certain he wouldn't be able to manage it, but something about the two Captain's meant they managed it.

"You two will be fine, you always are. The minute you see each other again it'll be like you'd never been apart. I've known you both long enough to be sure of that."

The captain nodded and smiled, "how is Hoshi for that matter, and Sara? I've kind of cut myself off the last few weeks."

"They're alright, talking to each other again, Hoshi is helping plan for the baby now. It's still awkward for her and I don't blame her, don't think anyone really wants to be put in the middle when people are expecting a baby."

"She's got a good heart. She's too good for you."

"Don't I know it." Trip laughed and took a sip of his drink. The small amount of gossip reminding him that not everything on the ship was going to fall down and break. He knew that things were hard for everyone in the fleet, more so for the captains, he knew that he was right about the two Captains', they always made what they had work, and they always had. It was something he truly admired about the two of them. He hoped that he could do whatever was needed of him to help make everything easier. Whether that be professionally for the Captain and the ship, or personally, for Hoshi, Sara, the baby and everyone else.


	8. Chapter 8

_**August 2157**_

The grumbles on the bridge of _Columbia_ had been getting louder over the last few days, and it was getting harder for Erika not to address them. It wasn't the easiest thing for her to ignore either. Especially not when even senior officers were starting to grumble. "Who's smart idea was a blockade around Tau Ceti anyway." Was the latest complaint from Reiko Akagi who was on the helm, she saw the furtive glances shot by Kiona and Kalil, both clearly wanting to reprimand the pilot, but leaving it to the Captain.

She knew she couldn't continue to let it go on. She'd ignored it for days, ever since Starfleet had agreed to the blockade. "The command council decided it was better than another all out conflict, and I have to agree, we can't really afford to lose any more ships right now."

Reiko turned round, and nodded in her usual show of deference to her captain before she continued. "I get that, but this is even more boring and time consuming than when we were spending hours patrolling the shipping lanes. At least then we were moving, and we could call our families at night." It didn't surprise her that was one of the primary complaints. She had heard nothing since they had arrived at Tau Ceti two weeks earlier, and the crew had been unable to speak to their families in that time. It wasn't the best situation, she knew that, but it was needed, and it was necessary when dealing with the Romulans.

That was what she needed to get across to her officers, that it sucked for them all, but that was what they needed. "I know, I agree, but until Earth either builds more ships or an ally comes into the war on our side, we just can't afford to face them yet."

She was about to continue when an alarmed yelp sounded from the side of the bridge, causing everyone to turn to the tactical officer. "Shit."

"Kiona?" She prompted, hoping that the information would come quickly.

"Ships on the long range." The sudden sound of stress in her voice set the alarm bells ringing in Erika's mind.

"Who?"

"Can't tell yet, they don't have the profile of Romulans though."

Kalil spoke up, clearly looking at his own instruments. "That doesn't mean much, they've used Klingon and Orion cruisers in the last few months." That was just the thought they all needed. Erika shook her head and started making plans in her mind, how she'd pull the ships together if a hostile force was about to drop on their heads.

"Let's wait and see who they are before we panic, Kalil, help Kiona out. You never know. They could be on our side."

A tense few moments passed, Erika sat back in her chair attempting to project an air of confident detachment, anything to calm the frayed and war-weary nerves of her bridge crew. Being among the best in the fleet didn't make them exempt from the worry and fear that they were all feeling. "Andorian," came the sudden announcement from the tactical station, bringing Erika back into the moment.

"You're certain?" She snapped, simultaneously overjoyed and weary about the appearance of Earth's coalition and trade partners.

"Positive." Kiona nodded.

"Sidra, hail them. Andorian vessels, this is Captain Erika Hernandez of the United Earth starship _Columbia_. You have entered a war zone. For your own safety I advise you withdraw from the system." The standard practice had been evoked after a Tellarite trade ship had unexpectedly appeared at Deneva and almost been destroyed by jumpy trigger fingers. All Captains' now had standing orders to hail the ships of a partner and inform them that they had entered a zone of open warfare. Most of the time the ships warped away before anything else could happen, but not always, and that was where the issues started.

The voice that arrived over _Columbia_'s speakers was not the one she expected. Judging by the looks on her staffs' faces, they hadn't expected it either. "Ah _Columbia_. I expected _Enterprise_ to be here."

"General Shran."

"Hello again Captain." The Andorian General's face filled the viewscreen a second later, a smile on his face. "We're here to offer our help. If your ships were not under communications blackout I'm sure Starfleet would have advised you of our arrival."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not sure if the war was making her paranoid, or if her disbelief in miracles and coincidences was beginning to show through.

"Andoria has signed an agreement with Earth, a mutual protection pact. We're here to join you in your fight to contain the Romulans. My ships are your ships. I have your official orders here." He held up an isolinear chip, one she recognised, they carried official orders from the admiralty, and they couldn't be tampered with. Still, she'd rather speak face to face with an admiral. Without even that back up, she'd need to depend on the judgement of her crew. She stopped for a moment and studied Shran before making the decision.

"One second General." She shot a look at Sidra who muted the comm, all faces turned back to her, and she looked around her senior staff. "Opinions, quickly."

Kalil was the first to speak, as any good XO would be. "Shran's always been trustworthy, and he's helped _Enterprise_ several times hasn't he?" That was a point, Shran had always been at the aid of _Enterprise_, and he had responded when _Columbia_ had been in trouble a couple of years earlier.

"He also helped rescue you from the Orions Captain. I'd take him at his word." Kiona agreed with Kalil, and that seemed the overwhelming majority when Sidra caught her captains' eye and nodded, rather than saying anything.

"Reiko?" She asked the last member of the senior staff on the bridge, unlike the others Reiko shrugged, but Erika knew Reiko hated to make judgments on people, and she wasn't ever one for diplomacy.

"I don't really have an opinion one way or another, but he seems genuine Captain."

Erika grinned at that. "That's what worries me. OK, Sidra." She motioned again, and within seconds the channel had reopened between the two ships. "Thank you, General. I'd like to meet with you as soon as we can, as it is. My comm officer is sending our deployment pattern, if you'd like to station your ships between ours."

"Done, and it's good to see you commanding again, Captain. I was worried that the Pinkskin would talk you out of it." Shran's smile reminded her that he and Jon did occasionally speak as friends, as well as colleagues.

"He's a long way from doing that." She laughed and shook her head before putting on her most winning smile. "Dinner, tonight. It's on me."

"I'll bring my finest ale. Until then Captain." He closed off the channel, and she sagged back in her chair a little.

"Do you trust him, Captain?" Sidra asked, and the question didn't take much thinking. It wasn't what you knew, sometimes, it was who you knew.

"No. But I trust Jonathan, and Jonathan trusts him. We've all got to start trusting somewhere, this is as good a place as any. I'll be in my ready room. I'm breaking orders and contacting Starfleet. Sidra, triaxilating signal on the theta band."

"It'll take a minute to configure for that, but I'll connect you as soon as it's done." She nodded to Sidra and slid into her ready room. She sat and looked at the photographs dotted around the room, and hoped that her faith in Jonathan's judgement wasn't going to lead her astray. Shran had always been a man of honour, someone who she could take at his word. Even in the reports from the Expanse, Jon had made it clear that Shran had disagreed with his orders to betray _Enterprise_, and had come to aid them as soon as he could. If he was here to try and help her turn the tide in this war, she wasn't in a position to say no, was she?


	9. Chapter 9

**OK, I'll admit here. I stole what Jon says about Erika in this chapter from a friend who was speaking about his future wife (my best friend) to me a few months ago (they are getting married next month). It just seemed to fit perfectly.**

* * *

_**September 2157**_

Trip sat back in the chair, dinner had been a surprisingly solemn affair, neither had actually said much, both lost in their own thoughts. Trip's thoughts had brought him back to the newly distributed frat list that he had found on his personal database that morning. He wasn't sure what that meant for the established relationships aboard, but he knew it couldn't be good. The longer he dwelt on it, that more concerned he felt. "So you actually wrote up rules about shipboard relationships?" The question tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

The look on Jon's face was a combination of confusion and amusement. He took another sip of his drink before responding, and Trip prepared himself for the worst. "No, I just felt the entire staff needed reminding that there are frat rules for a reason."

"You know that everyone will continue to ignore them, right?" Trip grinned, thinking about his own plans for ignoring the rules, probably as soon as Hoshi got off duty.

"I'm hoping that you and Sara have taught them a lesson." He had left himself open for that jab, he was about to open his mouth to defend himself when Jon carried on speaking, not giving him the chance. "I didn't seriously expect you too. I don't expect anything to change, but it covers me. I'm not sure I want to even ask but how did that even happen?"

That was a question, how did it happen? A bad mission, the stress after all the losses last year, culminating with T'Pol's death. They hadn't planned it, but like a lot of things spontaneous, it had come to bite him a couple of times. He'd almost lost Hoshi because of that fling, and almost lost his commission as well. "That whole thing with Sara, that was just a thing, and its already almost kicked me in the crotch once."

"You regret it?" Jon asked, and that was another loaded question.

"Yes... No... No. I don't. It was what was needed at the time and Rosa is perfect, I just always thought that after Elizabeth I wouldn't think about kids until I was settling with someone. Until I knew it was something that would last forever." He had to admit that Rosa had complicated things immensely. Mostly because it was a second time that things weren't going to the plan he'd once had, especially not now Sara was planning on leaving the ship and heading back to Earth. He'd only been a father 2 days and he was already dreading Sara taking Rosa with her when she left. But on the other side, he was finally at a point in his life where he might want to settle down, and he had found someone he might to do that with. "You know. Someone who I wanted to have all that with."

"You think you might have that?"

"How do you even know when you have that? Honestly?"

"You're asking me?" Jon's incredulous face made Trip laugh, out of everyone on _Enterprise_, including most of those who were married, Jon was the person to ask about these matters, if only because of the longevity of his relationship.

"You and Captain Hernandez have been together on and off as long as I've known you. Something about her must keep bringing you back, and keep you working despite the fact you go months without seeing each other." Trip smiled as Jon lifted his glass in a small salute of surrender, conceding Trip's point. "How did you know she was the person who you wanted to invest that much of yourself in?"

It was Jon's turn to look thoughtful, they lapsed into silence again as Trip gave him time to mull over the question. After a few moments he took a deep breath, still looking as if he was thinking. "I don't know how to explain it. When I look at Erika, even when I just think about her, I see everything good I've ever done, everything good I've ever thought about doing. I see the best in me and the best in her. She believes in me and I believe in her. There is nothing I can't tell her, even when we haven't seen each other for months, I can still tell her everything, and imagining life without her isn't worth contemplating, not again." He smiled, and the expression was one that Trip didn't see on his friends' face all that often. Even while it was clear he was still thinking, Jon was happy, and if he could be that happy when just thinking about the woman he loved, it proved their bond was something few people ever experienced. After another pause Jon's eyes refocused on Trip. "I'm not saying it isn't a struggle, and that we don't fight, I'm just saying that she makes the fights and the struggles worth it."

"Think I might feel that way." Trip admitted after a second of thinking about his own feelings. While he couldn't claim half of what Jon felt about Captain Hernandez, he knew that with time he probably would be speaking about her the same way when they'd been together as long.

"About Hoshi?"

He couldn't help but shoot the Captain an incredulous look. Who else would he legitimately be thinking about. "No about the tooth fairy. Of course about Hoshi."

"Hey, I had to ask." Jon held his hands up in a defensive posture, shaking his head.

"I'm not going to mope after Sara if that's what you were thinking." He clarified, almost certain now that Jon was just teasing him because he could. Not entirely surprising though, given their track record.

"I wasn't thinking anything."

"You know, for a senior officer you're a really shit liar." He grinned as Jon burst out laughing, putting his drink down on the table. "Has _Columbia_ left for Nicaustra?"

Jon's smile grew again, and Trip wondered if it was the reminder that he'd be able to see Captain Hernandez in only a matter of weeks. "They should have, a couple of weeks ago, we're in the home straight of this assignment, not to mention the conversation we just had."

"You're looking forward to seeing Captain Hernandez. Don't worry, your secret is safe."

"Thanks Trip."

"Any time." He grinned as Jon shook his head, he remembered once upon a time he wouldn't have spoken to his captain quite so frankly, but times changed, and they had been friends a long time. He looked at Jon again, still able to see the echoes of their conversation on his face. It was time he thought seriously about his decision, what he would need to do. Maybe the first step was admitting he felt this way, at least he knew, and he could figure out a way to tell her.


	10. Chapter 10

_**October 2157**_

The door chime wasn't something expected, especially not this late. He'd already eaten, and he knew that Trip was working. He just stared at the door for a moment, wondering if he'd imagined the noise. When the chime sounded again he leant forward and grabbed a shirt before shouting in direction of the door. "One minute let me put a shirt on."

"You don't need to, it's me." The voice was the last one he expected, but he felt the smile grow on his face as he recognised it. He had been hoping he'd see her before _Columbia_ left again.

"Oh, come in then." He sat up as she came through the door, almost choking as a streak of fur shot to the end of his bed. "Hi Grumps." He said in direction of the cat who had landed behind Porthos on the cushion and already started making himself comfortable.

Erika did something similar on the bed, sliding right beside him and gently placing a kiss on his cheek. "I thought since we were still together for a couple of hours I'd come and get 5 minutes in private with you."

"It is something we haven't had much of." He grinned and wrapped his arm around her, relishing the closeness that had been denied them for the last year.

"Twenty minutes in a cupboard at the wedding definitely didn't count." The mischievous grin that spread across her face reminded him of everything they had managed to get up to in the three days _Columbia_ and _Enterprise_ had been together at Nicaustra.

The longer he looked at her the more he realised how long it had been since he'd gotten the chance to just look at her, to take in her beauty and confidence. He had known he'd missed her, but it wasn't until this moment that he realised how much. "God, I've missed you." He muttered, pulling her almost impossibly closer.

"I missed you too Jon." She smiled, and closed the distance between the two of them. He almost couldn't control himself, he pulled her over him, wrapping his arms around her tighter. One of her hands slid through his hair, while the other rested on his back, a familiar position for him, and one that always reminded him that she knew how to make him comfortable. He tore himself away from her after a second, knowing they needed to breathe, and maybe for a minute he needed to focus on business, otherwise there would be another repeat of the cupboard, and that would be embarrassing.

He kissed her lightly once more before just holding her. "So, where is _Columbia_ headed next, on patrol?"

"No, actually. We've been asked to head up a convoy from Rigel, we're due there in a couple of weeks, the convoy is stopping by Trillius Prime before heading back to Earth."

"Couple of month run then?" He asked, slightly disappointed that _Columbia_ wouldn't be heading back to the interior with them, he knew that desire had largely come from their current proximity. He enjoyed having Erika close enough to hold, but they would make it work regardless.

Her response told him that she was just as disappointed. "We're due back at Earth for New Year, probably no sooner."

"Hopefully _Enterprise_ will be there too. It would be nice to spend a New Year together again."

"I agree. Where is _Enterprise_ headed next?" The question seemed innocent, but he heard the slight tremor of concern in her voice. She was worried about him, just as he always worried about her. He was going to where she had just left, and he was certain that wasn't going to allay her fears.

"Tau Ceti, we're going joining Shran again."

"Be safe OK?" She whispered before kissing him again.

"Erika?" He said as he pulled back a little, he couldn't stop thinking about Trip's question about how he had known he wanted to spend his life with her. He had known instantly the moment Trip had asked what to say, but he still hadn't told her, and maybe it was time. "I know I don't say it as much as I probably should, and neither of us really wanted to put a name on us because of the problems it could cause, but I really love you."

"I know, Jonathan."

"No, I mean. I love you more than anything else, if you asked me to give up _Enterprise_ and retire with you tomorrow I'd do it. I just want you to know that if-" She cut him off with a small laugh and a finger on his lips.

"Jonathan. I know. You don't need to tell me, I know."

"How?"

"I'm a girl."

"That is not an answer."

She pulled an expression that he had come to know as her 'thinking face'. It was the one she had whenever she was trying to put an emotion into words, or explain something she wasn't sure about. No matter how many times he saw that face, it always endeared her a little more, it was so opposite the calm and collected captain who knew everything. She looked at him a second later, and he knew what she was going to say before she started. "I've known you more than 17 years Jon, and our feelings for each other have never changed. We hold back because we need to, because if we didn't we'd be compromised, and I think that needs to continue. We're Captains' first, but what we are goes beyond that. We are partners, we're best friends, and you are the one person who gets me. Let's not put pressure on ourselves."

"I don't want us to leave things unsaid right now, Erika. Who knows when we could lose one another again."

"I'm not going to let that happen again. You're stuck with me." She smiled, and this time he did pull her back against his chest.

"Wouldn't want to be anything else."

"I should get back to my ship."

"Oh no you don't. As your fleet supervisor I'm keeping you right here for at least the next forty-five minutes." He muttered as he rolled them over so he was above her, she tapped her fingers against his chest with a teasing expression replacing her previously thoughtful one.

"That long huh?"

"I'm hoping we can go twice." He laughed and pulled her to him again. Maybe he hadn't said what he wanted, but she was right. She already knew it all. They had come through too much together for her to not know how he felt. Maybe the wedding they'd attended was what had reminded him of the conversation he'd had with Trip. He'd had to think about his feelings for Erika, and that had brought him to this point, but she was right, there was no need to pressure themselves. They still had time, because he would fight to make their future what they wanted.


	11. Chapter 11

_**November 2157**_

He hated the project that was readying Enterprise for battle. He had to do it more often than he liked at the moment, especially in the last 18 months since the start of the war, though only once in the last year. The Romulans had been sneaky, and Starfleet had only engaged them to protect their territory. The war was already weighing on them all, but it didn't look as though it was anywhere near the end. He looked up to a couple of his engineers who were struggling around the plasma injectors, the readings showing that nothing had been removed yet."Come on, we need this all out. All out. Now."

A hand on his back made him jump, he almost span round to see who was there, smiling slightly when he realised that he didn't need to worry, it was only Hoshi, probably coming checking up on her. He took her hand and pulled her to the only real private area of engineering, tugging her into a hug as he did. He hadn't realised how much he'd needed to see her after almost 2 solid days on duty. Once he let go she looked around, finally managing to get her first words in. "What are you doing?"

"Setting this place up for tomorrow."

"Are you nervous?" She asked, and he saw a tiny flicker of fear in her own eyes. He remembered when she'd first joined the crew, when everyone else had been excited to be out in deep space, she had worried, and maybe on reflection, she had had the more realistic view of the universe. Now she was far better at hiding her fear, and had he not finally admitted his feelings for her and started getting to know her better, to the point they were at now, he probably wouldn't have noticed her nerves. That closeness also made lying to her all but pointless, she'd know, and it would lead to a conversation he didn't need to have again.

"I'm always nervous when I know we're going in to battle, I'm more than nervous, I'm pretty afraid." He admitted, and she nodded lightly, taking hold of his hand, the tiniest hint of contact.

"Afraid?"

"For the ship, for everyone aboard, for you."

"I'll be fine, I'll be up on the bridge." Her reassurance was actually the worst thing. He thought back to last year, and to the battle at Deneva. To T'Pol's death and how close they had been to losing the Captain as well. He hadn't really been ready for the emotions of T'Pol's death, none of them had been. Even though she was their friend and colleague for years, she had been ever present. Not to mention he'd had their relationship as something else that had been put to bed. While they had been over for years, and her death had led to his opening up to Hoshi and admitting his feelings for her, he and T'Pol had had a connection that he hadn't been able to ignore.

"That wasn't enough for T'Pol, was it, or the captain." Hoshi shook her head and tapped a hand on his chest as if she was telling him to stop thinking that way. She had a point, he didn't need to think that way, but he couldn't help it, and the worst thing the Romulans could do would be to take Hoshi away from him. "I know I shouldn't think that way, and I'll try. It's not easy though." He shook his head as she looked around again. Clearly taking a look at everything around them.

"So, what exactly are you doing?" She asked, and he wondered if she was really curious or trying to break him of the train of thought he was on. Either way he was grateful, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before looking up, seeing his engineers all busy around them. He hoped that they were going to be able to get everything done before they entered the system in a little over 14 hours.

"Purging the relays, and as much plasma residue as we can. Gives the Romulan's less chance of hitting our exhaust. The Captain is determined to get Tau Ceti back, after the raid last week I don't blame him. Still no casualties?" He asked. The attack on Tau Ceti had been ordered after an attack had been launched against Earth herself. While there had been no planetary casualties, he knew that there had been a lot of disruption. Hoshi had been dealing with a lot of that fallout, seeing as there were no direct communications to Earth at the moment. She was largely in charge of co-ordinating communications, along with keeping Endeavour and Columbia in the loop regarding the issues. He remembered how hopeless he'd felt after the Xindi attack when Enterprise had been months from home, so he could understand how the other two crews were feeling, unable to help their planet when they were needed most. Hoshi's voice slowly dragged him back to the present as she explained the issues.

"No physical casualties, but the entire planetary network has crashed like it has a virus. It's going to be months before everything is up and running again, Starfleet thinks they've lost a lot of the electronically stored information. It's going to be a big job for some people to rebuild what we've lost."

"Starfleet has backups?" That was an obvious point wasn't it? That Starfleet and probably the MACOs would have backed their information up.

"On Luna and Vulcan, but the civilian government doesn't, nor do a lot of the universities and museums."

"It's a disaster of a different kind. EM weapon?"

"That's the leading theory." Hoshi's whole body language changed after she looked at him again. He just returned her gaze then attempted to stifle a yawn. He hoped she'd missed that sign of his growing exhaustion, but he knew that his luck wasn't that good. "Trip, promise me you'll get some sleep tonight."

"I will, how about I come straight after my shift and we eat in your quarters."

"I think I can agree to that. I'll get something off chef to cook."

"You are too good for me."

"Don't I know it." He kissed her gently as he heard another pop behind him, his engine trying to pull his attention away. "I'll see you as soon as I'm done here. 21 hundred." He muttered sadly, not really wanting her to leave. The prospect of the following day making him far clingier than usual. He didn't want to have to face what was coming, not really. He watched her leave, and that was it. His mind started making the switch back to what he needed to do to make sure that the ship was in her best ship to face the Romulans. Maybe it would be the start of a change.


	12. Chapter 12

_**December 2157**_

It wasn't often that the two men in charge of the ship had sat in an almost dejected silence, but it seemed to be all they'd done for the last two weeks, the journey back to Earth had been punctuated by an almost daily increase in the casualty reports, something neither of them had the heart to even read any more. They knew who they'd lost, more than 50 officers since the beginning of the war. Trip felt like he needed to try and pick the mood in the room up, even if it ended up falling flat. "We made it home."

"I'm not really sure that's the thing we should brag about. 7 ships didn't." It appeared that Jon wasn't in the mood to be picked up, and it was probably for the best. But he couldn't resist a light jab, remembering their conversation from almost a year earlier, about how Jon needed to focus on the positives of a situation.

"I thought we agreed you were going to look on the bright side."

"I may have been a little naive when I agreed to that." Jon admitted, and the entire conversation began to fall around his ears. Thought he knew beyond anything that the Romulans' use of nuclear weapons was not something anyone had expected. Even by current standards, nukes were pretty obsolete, but they had been more than successful against most of the Starfleet force, and a large part of the Andorian force too.

"None of us could have guessed that the Romulans would go so far." He defended, all that did was cause Jon to stand up and start pacing along the end of the bed, Porthos jumping up and following his masters' steps.

"But they did, seven ships were lost, more than 100 skilled officers. Not counting the Andorian ships that were lost as well, and all the Romulans who died. We got the planet back, but at what cost?" He stopped for a second as the door chime sounded. "Come in."

The perplexed face of _Columbia_'s captain was the sight that greeted both men when they looked up, the concern on her face clear. She looked between the two of them briefly, and when Trip was sure Jon was looking away he gently shook his head toward the other captain. "Am I disturbing something?" She asked, stepping in and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"No, not at all Rike." The change in Jon's voice even as he spoke to her reminded Trip that if anyone could pull Jon back from the brink, it was Erika Hernandez. He knew when the time to make a strategic exit came, and that was the good thing for him. He stood up and tried to smile as best he could.

"Actually, I should go visit sickbay. Captains." He nodded before heading out, walking the familiar tracks toward sickbay. He didn't even need to enter _Enterprise_'s medical centre any more. He could stand in the doorway and know what was going on. He didn't need to keep coming here, his last two engineers would be being transferred to Starfleet Medical as soon as they were stable enough. The rest had already passed on, and he knew there was nothing more he could do for those in the makeshift morgue on G Deck, just waiting for their families to be located.

"What are you doing down here?" The voice shook him from his reverie, and a second later he felt her pause beside him. He reached out and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into his side as he pondered what answers he could give to that question that wouldn't end up getting him into trouble.

"Thinking." He eventually settled on, when she wrapped her arm back around him and gave the gentlest pressure, leading him away from Sickbay, in the direction of the turbolift up to crew quarters. She had the right idea. If they were going to talk, they should do it in private rather than somewhere anyone could come across them.

"About?"

He held off answering until they were alone in the turbolift. He held the button so that the lift wouldn't open when he wasn't ready. "Everyone we lost in this battle, and it could have so easily been me, Shi. Any one of the other engineers who made it through. We were lucky, and we were luckier to limp home with _Ontario_ and _Hubble_. We lost a lot of good people out there and we're losing more." He couldn't help but feel the war was still going against them, despite regaining Tau Ceti. Earth was still rebuilding its infrastructure after the Romulan attack a few weeks earlier, and the fleet wouldn't have had any survivors had _Columbia_ not shown up when she did.

"_Columbia_ saved our butts again." Hoshi muttered, as if reading his mind. She pulled him out of the lift the moment it reached B deck, leading him in the direction of his quarters.

"Captain Hernandez is going to start getting a reputation for it." He commented a second later, thinking again about _Columbia_'s timing.

"Trip, we're home now, and you'll have all the help you could ask for in fixing _Enterprise_ up."

He couldn't avoid it any longer, especially not know they were in his quarters. He knew that there was no way anyone could know what was said in this room, but he still wasn't sure he could open up. He took a deep breath and looked to Hoshi, knowing that she deserved to know the truth, that his feelings for her were a large part of his fear, and she was the thing he worried about most. "I know, that's not really my issue. I know that there have been a million problems, and a million issues, and everything that we've been through from you helping me with Rosa and everything, I just think about how close we all came to death again, for what feels like the thousandth time, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. I don't think I know how to separate my feelings from my duties when-"

"I'm thinking of leaving Starfleet." She blurted, cutting him off. He felt his jaw hit the floor, and took

"What?"

"Well, at least shipboard service. They need teachers for the Academy that the Captain has been advising for. If the time comes I can always take that." It was obvious that she'd put a large amount of thought into it, but that worried him more. How long had she been thinking about doing this, about leaving them and returning to Earth.

"You'd leave _Enterprise_?" He asked, still sounding slightly dumbstruck.

"Captain Archer doesn't need a language specialist during a war, and there are things that are more important than service. Especially if you were serious about what you said."

"Which bit of what I said?" He asked with narrowed eyes. He'd said a lot recently, and he wondered if she was possibly trying to trip him up a little. That wasn't her usual style though, and he wasn't sure she'd ever do that.

"About starting a family." She prompted, and that conversation he did remember, it had been right after Sara and Rosa had left the ship, and he had told her there that if he was having any more children, they would be with her or he wouldn't bother, because the only person he'd have children with now was the woman he planned on marrying. He had gotten the impression then she thought he'd been joking, and at the time impressing his point hadn't been urgent. Now though. Now it was.

"I definitely meant that."

"Well, we can't have a family on a starship, it's not practical. So if the time is right, I won't hesitate to resign and leave Enterprise. I'll even tell the Captain that's what I'm planning to do." He had to laugh at that, and he pulled her into his arms, chuckling a little as he imagined Jon's reaction if there was another unplanned pregnancy.

"He'll kill me if I get someone else pregnant."

"He won't have a choice, and don't worry. I'll explain this all to him when I give him my letter of intent."

"Maybe leave him alone tonight, Captain Hernandez is in with him, and I think he needs her more than he needs anything else right now." He smiled just a little, knowing that Jon would be getting the sympathy and support he most needed right now. _Columbia_ had the knack of turning up at just the right moment, just the moment when they were most needed, whether that be in the battle, or during the aftermath. He thought about everything else that Hoshi had said, and maybe she was right, if the time came they'd know it. He remembered Jon had once said that everything in life came down to luck and timing, this was definitely one of those times. The upside of Hoshi leaving Starfleet would be that she would be out of danger. He'd miss her, of course, but she'd be safe, and that was the most important thing.


	13. Chapter 13

**This is the last chapter for this story. Will start posting the next one, year 2158 tomorrow. Thanks as always for reading. Diolch to my ever patient writing partners and besties Ana and Icka. Caru ti.**

* * *

**D****ecember**_** 2157**_

He looked up as the door opened, he wondered if Erika somehow had a sensor that told her when he needed to see her, even if it wasn't the best time for either of them. He knew that she would have some insight into this that he hadn't thought of, she always did. It was why they worked together so well. He noticed her eyes flicker to Trip, who drained the bottom of his glass quickly. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, come in Rike." He waved a hand toward her, and smiled as she slid onto the bed, his eyes were drawn to Trip again as the commander stood up, clearly going about his own business. Jon was grateful for his friend trying to cheer him up, and he made a mental note to thank him at a later date, when he was actually himself again.

"I actually should be getting to sickbay, Captains."

Once Trip had left, Erika fixed Jon with a glare, and he knew that she didn't even really need to ask what was on his mind, eventually he'd tell her anyway, he always did. She understood the way he worked. After a few seconds she shook her head and asked outright. "So, what was all that really about?"

"Trip was trying to break me of this mood." He admitted after thinking his answer over.

"I take it he wasn't successful?"

For some reason, Erika's tone fired him up again. It wasn't often that she did that, but did she really think he wanted to be feeling like this? That he enjoyed the self-pity and self-hate that this kind of mood visited on him? "Does it look like he was successful?"

"I've not seen you look this down since we went climbing." Her words stopped him, and he realised that the anger hadn't been directed at her, of course she didn't think that, but maybe a small part of him thought he enjoyed wallowing in self-pity. That was definitely a subject for a later date, and probably a conversation with a therapist. Instead he stopped himself and thought, how would he describe his feelings, how would he explain that while the Expanse had been awful, what he was going through now was much worse. Now it wasn't only Enterprise on the lines, and he hated that others were in as much danger as he was.

"I've not felt like this since then. I lost half my crew Rike."

"Join the club." She muttered, and all he could do with that response was stare at her incredulously until he remembered how to speak.

"You aren't helping."

"Not really trying to help. Trying to make you see that this isn't the first time one of us has faced losses on this scale, and it likely won't be the last."

That was the unfortunate truth. No matter how many officers they lost, no matter how many officers Starfleet lost, there would always be more when there was a war. He thought about the battle, everything that had happened in the past month. The battle still recent memory, and the injuries and damage still being dealt with, though he was sure that would be easier now they were at Jupiter Station. He still couldn't believe some of what had happened. "Nukes, Rike! They used nukes!" He blurted, trying to think of a more eloquent way to explain his horror at that wasn't working.

"I read the report, and I saw the damage."

He barely even heard her response, too busy thinking and pacing again. "Why would anyone use nukes, they are primitive even by the modern standards let alone what might come in the future."

"You can't deny they were effective though?" She said, and again he found himself staring at her input. Why was he so surprised that she was taking the argumentative root. Talking it out wasn't as helpful as he'd thought, he just wanted to let it all go now.

"That's the problem, they were too effective. They didn't affect the Andorian ships though. Conventional weapons got them pretty good though. We were lucky to win this one."

This time, Erika didn't reply right away. When he looked to her he could see that she was thinking, he wasn't sure what there was to really think about when it came to the tactics that the Romulans were currently using, unless she was coming up with some brilliant new countermeasure against them. After a few moments of silence and his pacing, Erika finally spoke. "The Andorians have energy shielding, not just hull plating. That probably gave them the advantage."

He rolled that over in his mind, and once again realised that she was a genius. Why had that obvious piece of information not occurred to him. "You have a point."

"Look, Jonathan. I know how much this hurts, and it won't change. I don't need to tell you that. You will harden up to the losses though. It sounds callous, but it's not. It's how we protect ourselves." She knew, and she was speaking from experience. In this case she unfortunately had more experience than him.

"Erika, I see their faces when I lie down to sleep. Their names come to me whenever I'm asleep. Every person who lost their lives under my command in the last 7 years. All of them. I remember them all. There are too many names, too many faces." He sat down on the bed next to her, and felt her little finger wrap around his in the tiniest of touches, just enough to remind him that she was genuinely worried about him.

"Look at me." She lifted his chin, not allowing him to dodge her eye contact. Something he wasn't good at maintaining when he was trying to open himself up. "They will always be with you, with us. Every officer we lost, probably more than we'd care to admit between the two of us. Starfleet has lost a lot of good officers in the last two years. It's our duty though to ensure that they didn't die in vain, and that they aren't forgotten about. We can't live with them running our lives though, we have to focus on the living, on the future." Her voice had dropped to barely a whisper as she'd been speaking, and he wondered how much of that was self reflection as well. However confident and strong Erika liked to act, he saw her in the middle of the night, and he'd seen her on the comm at 3am when she couldn't sleep.

"Do you believe that?" He asked, wondering if that was something she actually believed, or was it something she was saying for his benefit.

"I don't know, but it sounded good, didn't it?" She grinned, pushing his arm gently.

"You're trying to make me laugh." He said through a begrudging smile. He wasn't sure if she just didn't want to tell him whether she actually believed what she was saying, or if it was a complete lie, either way he liked seeing that smile on her face, and it made him feel better, even when it probably shouldn't.

"Is it working?"

"Maybe a little."

"Honestly though, I know how you feel. I still picture my crew, and I still feel guilty that I couldn't protect them, and that I didn't share their fate. I just try to focus on something else. Anything else." She said honestly, making a move to stand up, he had realised over the course of this conversation that he needed her to stay, he grabbed her arm and tugged her back onto the bed.

"Don't leave, Rike."

"Never." He smiled at that one word that said so much more under the surface. He took hold of her, pulling her against him as he breathed in the smell that made him think of home. He'd resisted the urge to hold her since she'd walked in, knowing that he needed to speak at the same time. She always knew how to drag him out of the depths that he sank too when he sat thinking for too long. Yes, she was right. He couldn't focus on the fact that he had lost crew, that he had lost friends. That Starfleet had lost more than a quarter of her fleet in less than two years. He hoped that this was the turn of the tide, because the fleet couldn't take very much more of this. They needed to push this away, or they needed a new ally, someone with the fleet and the firepower to help take the fight to the Romulans, the Andorians had stopped Earth from falling already, but for now it was a stalemate, and all the action was in Earth controlled space. That needed to change.


End file.
